Lately, I’ve been trying to get God to speak to me. To tell me what He wants me to do. I wanted Him to answer me clearly. I wanted Him to make his will really obvious to me. I prayed to Him so hard about college, about staying home or studying abroad. I wanted Him to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life. I wanted Him to tell me how He wanted me to serve Him. I wanted his answer to be crystal clear. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
And He was silent.
I talked to my friend Jennie about this. She’s smart. And talented with words. And she told me this:
“Freedom can be scary but it’s also beautiful. And if we always knew the answers and what steps to take, we’d have no need for faith and trust. So remember this: Seek Him first. Don’t get frustrated when He isn’t making it black and white because He’s given you beautiful colors in your rainbow of choices. Seek Him, acknowledge Him. Talk to wise counsel. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you. Remember too, this is your choice, this is your life.”
And then, lightbulb moment! I guess the reason God was silent is because He has given me freedom. He wants me to glorify Him freely. I am free to worship him in the way my heart desires. I am free to live out my art.
Writing poetry. Making gabydoodles. Singing. Going to college here in Santo Domingo. Going to college in the United States.
God doesn’t really care about what I choose to do as long as it gives Him glory. As long as it points back to Him, I am free to be me.
And that is awesome. And scary. But mainly awesome.